The Monday-est Monday ever

April 24, 2017

The story begins with a young, new mommy who just knew that she had done everything she could to prepare for the start of the week. Pump parts were washed, baby's clothes were laid out, lunch for the week was bought and packed, and she had her morning routine down. Or so she thought. 
It started with our routine being off. Adi had woken up a little earlier than usual so I got her fed and then put her back to sleep while I decided to get ready. After I had everything packed and loaded in the car, I woke our sweet girl so that I could get her ready. She has been battling a cold, or what I think is allergies (that's a different post for a different day) and so when I got her all changed, she started to gag on some of the junk in her nose and spit up all over her daycare outfit. So I changed her, threw on some clothes, and off to daycare we went. 

I got her all settled in at daycare and headed into work. I am careful about what I choose to wear to work because I need it to be pumping and nursing friendly (again, another post for a different day) so I had on a button up dress and my black flip flops. I was walking around the office when someone stopped me and politely told me I had something all over the back of my dress. Sure enough, I had obviously sat in something that was now all over my dress. So I made a quick exit to run home and change. 

I get home, change quickly into what I thought was black pants and a black button up blouse and run back to work. As I'm getting out of my car to go inside, I happen to notice that I had put on my blue pants and not my black pants. Sigh. Thankfully M was off work so I call him and ask him to bring me a shirt from my closet that matches my blue pants. I do not like to not match and we had 3 interviews scheduled for that morning and I did not want the first impression I made on potential new teachers to our school to look at me and not take me seriously. 

As I'm in and out of interviews, daycare calls. It is never a good sign when you have a missed call from your baby's daycare. I call them back and the lady says "Umm I think your baby is going to be mighty hungry today without any milk". It took me a second to realize that I had not restocked them on milk for her week. A quick call to M before he left with my shirt resulted in him dropping milk off for our sweet girl to eat and then bringing me my blue shirt to match my blue pants. 

After he drops off my shirt, I run into the restroom to change into my blue blouse to match my blue pants, only to realize that I still had on my black shoes that matched my dress. The only thing I knew to do was laugh, walk to my office, and go about my day. 

And in the longest winded post ever, here's to hoping that today is a better Monday than the last one.  

Working Momma

April 17, 2017

Work. noun. activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result. 
my friend Sara sent me this book and I can't wait to dive into it. 
Even before I got pregnant, Michael and I discussed what we would do if we add a sweet baby to our little family and the answer was always that I would go back to work. Not because I had to, but because I love my job. Being around people and my over 700 students brings me so much joy (and some stress too) but I couldn't seem to imagine not going back to work and not seeing my kids. If I'm being honest, we live a comfortable life style with both of our incomes so that was part of our thinking also. 

I think going into parenthood with the mindset that I wanted to return to work helped me when that time came. After the first week with her, I was almost sure that I could never take that tiny little human to a daycare, leave her in the arms of someone else, and then pick her up 9-10 hours later. A few weeks passed and I still would cry thinking about not being the person that was with her all day long yet I longed to get back into my own groove and return to work. It's crazy how much you can want two totally opposite things at the very same moment in time. 

About 2 weeks before Adi was due to go to daycare and I was to return to work, I had to go to the daycare to finalize paperwork. I wanted to walk in there hating the place, the people, and ultimately tell them that she wouldn't be attending and then figure out my work situation. But when I walked into the doors, a sense of peace came over me. I talked with the teachers in her room, saw where she would be hanging out, and was able to watch them interacting with the other babies in the room and I knew that I was making the right decision for me. For her. For our family. 

That doesn't mean I didn't cry the week leading up to her first day. I would cry holding her, wanting those moments to stay forever. I cried picking out her outfit the night before. I cried putting her to bed that night. It wasn't easy to know that the next day I wasn't going to spend all day staring at her, holding her, bonding with her. But I also knew that this was the first step that I needed to take for her and for me. 

So come Monday, March 20th, after almost 7 sweet weeks with our girl, I drove her to daycare. We stopped at sonic first because I wasn't quite ready. Then I took her into her room and immediately started crying. The poor lady in there had to listen to me cry while also listening to my instructions for her that they already knew. I loved on her for at least 10 minutes and then passed her over. It was such a bittersweet moment. I was leaving this precious little soul and selfishly excited to go back to work. It was quite the scene in there I tell ya. 

I made it until about 11 that first day. Not quite by choice but by divine intervention I suppose. I had forgotten to turn in my paperwork to return to work so I had to leave work immediately around 11. I will admit that I did not wait a single moment when they told me that. I was packed up and headed to the door to go pick up my girl. It was the perfect opportunity for me to see what her days would be like at daycare without them knowing that I would show up. 

So I get to daycare, peak through the window, and low and behold, the sweet, sweet teachers are loving all over the babies in there while doing tummy time and letting the babies explore different textures. It soothed my momma heart and let me know that if I was going to be away from her, she was in great hands. But, it was time for her to be back with me. So I picked her up and we spent the rest of the day snuggling and catching up. 

It was the perfect way to start our journey of me back to work and her at daycare. It definitely helps knowing that starting June 1, I have 2 whole months off with her to just enjoy her and watch her grow and develop. I feel very blessed by that because I know for some working momma's those first weeks are the longest stint of time they get with their littles. 

So, this is me. Being a working momma while Adi is a daycare baby. And we are surviving. She is learning and growing and I am getting my interaction with my students and other adults, then getting to enjoy her at night. It's not everyone's perfect, but it is working for us.  

With Grace | Volume II

April 10, 2017

When I was trying to come up with the name of this blog to make my grand re-entrance back into the blogland, I wanted something that would grow with me. I pictured it showcasing my every day life, mommy-hood, and anything else that came along. I didn't realize when I wrote it, how much it would mean to me on the mommy-hood part.

As I've journeyed through these past almost 10 weeks with our sweet girl, I have tried to do it with grace. There have been moments of weakness, tears shed, questions asked, questions unanswered, and moments of regret. But there have also been so many moments of happiness, joy, overwhelming peace, and wonderful moments. But most of all, there has been grace.
The life of a mommy is no simple task. What works one day does not always work the next. What worked for a friend may or may not work for you. Those first few weeks you feel like you are in the trenches. You are grasping for any tiny little clue that you are doing something right. Searching for something to make it easier. Grasping for moments of clarity and understanding when you feel like the dumbest person around. But in all of those moments, there is so much grace.

How blessed am I that I get to have this experience? It is one journey that not all people get to take and for that, it is cherished. I feel like as I'm coming out of the newborn fog, I'm slowly learning about our sweet girl and all that has changed with her. But I am also learning to balance this new life with her, my husband, and work, and sharing responsibilities with M along the way. You have to give yourself grace in these moments or else you will only see the difficulties and not the triumphs.

I am so excited for what these next days, weeks, and months have in store and can only hope that I tackle each milestone, big or small, with grace in my heart. Cheers to a new week after a refreshing weekend.